Tag Archives: hormones

Failing feels good.

3 Apr
Pork, pork and more pork

Pork, pork and more pork (Photo credit: su-lin)

Where have I been you ask?

Well, in the last several weeks I was in a cave, some dark hole, isolated and alone, so very alone. That is how it felt.  You see, I’ve been going through my annual liver detox. This would be my third year committing to this. WHY in God’s name you ask? For real, it is to reset my liver function, in hopes to reset my hormone balance, in hopes to rid of a health irritation that I could live without.  So you can stop crying cause I don’t have gout and I’m not dying. Just an innocent liver cleanse that seemed to work wonders last time and really does accomplishes its sole purpose. And so I re-live it.

Here is how it goes down:

– NO sugar, NO, Dairy, including eggs, NO gluten (good-bye all wonderful wheats of any kind and basic sandwich breads), NO red meat & pork, No F’n Caffeine, NO ALLLCOHOL! No Corn and not even tomatoes. No life. All this for 14 days I had to do this, while taking these insane horse-sized capsule supplements to enhance your liver cleanse 3 times a day. (For those curious, please this is not self inflicted, but taking Doctor’s orders)

I was socially divided. I couldn’t go out and enjoy my wonderful culinary delights, nor be in the company of my good friends. It was too much torture and unbearable to watch them enjoy their meals, lick their fingers and wash it down with a wonderful glass of red wine. Just too much. In fact, it was just plain mean. I kept watching movies, tv shows, anything to distract me from feeling a craving of any sorts.

And I couldn’t be around people, because no one really wanted to be around me. I wasn’t fun at all.  In this dark cave of mine, I was a horrible person in company. I was a BITCH, just a Debbie downer, short-tempered, and irritable all the time.  Come on, I couldn’t even have a sip of my wonderful cup of COFFEE in the mornings, this ritual, that I so value and let me tell you, that can change a person forever. So mornings were the worst.   I’m really impressed with my husband cause he’s still around.

I had to motivate myself day by day, remembering how amazing I felt when it was all done. You know, the white eyeballs, the fresh and glorious skin with glow, a healthy pink tongue. Shiny, glossy, full hair. And most of all how good I felt in the inside. Yes, it IS worth it I told myself, and  I can do this again, I can, I can ….

And so far so good! Until day 11. 😦

I was business travelling, in the airport, and I was STARVING. I needed to eat something or I wouldn’t be able to walk to my gate. I found a sandwich/soup shop, that looked pretty healthy and bought the pesto chicken wrap that seemed to have all the elements I was allowed to eat, except for the whole wheat wrap, cause gloomy gluten will get me.  I carefully ate everything inside, one by one, picking up the chicken bits with a fork.  I was being stared at, probably eyes rolling as they whispered “carb fanatic bitch”.  And as I wasn’t paying attention eating, I accidentally ate part of the wrap. Shoot. I ate another bite, and another, and ANOTHER! It was soooooo good! Airport food never tasted this amazing. So now you can tell at this point, I am just delirious. It made so much sense, the bread WITH the chicken pesto, like they couldn’t be apart and should remain together in holy digestion.

And from that point on, it slowly went down, down. Rules were being broken one by one. Until the real TSN turning point was when I met up with friends in the city at a lovely restaurant and then it was ALL OVER. I drank a fancy bourbon sour. I ate a gluten crusted fish. I finished it with some fancy chocolate delight and some more. It felt like the best meal of my life as I downed each bite with full gratitude and appreciation. I remember how the raspberry sorbet’s sweet and sour flavours engulfed my taste buds. It was a gift.

Clearly a detox fail. But hey 11 days in my books was good enough. When I flew back home, I was so excited to tell my husband how I failed! I was so happy delivering my disappointing news. We celebrated!! We opened a great bottle of wine, did some happy dance, because it was a win-win again for all. No more bitchiness, no more accommodating meals and bull-shit recipes, no more isolation and hiding from anyone remotely interesting! I was my self again and going out and enjoying a cocktail and having fulfilling conversations.  It was just awesome freedom!

Failing never felt so damn good. That’s where I’ve been.

Love,

Youngabunga xoxo

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