Tag Archives: Friendship

Frenemies. Love to loathe them.

7 Mar
My Frenemy

My Frenemy (Photo credit: andymangold)

Alright. Let’s talk about Frenemies.

This post is dedicated to all the men in my life. If you are a man, most likely a friend of mine reading this, I’m about to share with you a very helpful tip on REALLY understanding women. If you are a woman reading this, you will thank me for sharing with our male companions who can, sadly have moments of complete non-self awareness. You can throw this in his face and say ‘SEE?  You feel me now?!’

This was a hot topic with a few girlfriends of mine as I shared with them my big time angst moment of my hubs absolutely peeving me off in an argument that had to do with a Frenemy of mine. An argument he will never win. He did the most unthinkable thing you should never do when it comes a wife’s Frenemy: He complimented the F-ing Frenemy. In fact, he told her how great she looked  and blah blah blah he just totally went there.  So now I feel like its my duty to share. I was deeply encouraged to post this.

Let’s first define a Frenemy so we don’t lose each other here.

A FRENEMY is someone maybe in your current life, or past, usually from your childhood where you’ve always secretly disliked growing up. There’s an old history between you two. You know, your not so publicized nemesis you have an immense hate-on for, and it’s usually both ways that you feel this way about each other. And it ain’t good warm feelings. No way. Instead they are feelings of shitness: I-can’t-stand-you-and- everything-you-say-or-do-I-think-you-suck-ass-and-can’t-believe-OUR-common friend-likes you-for-some-warped-reason. So it remains to be this fake interaction as it has to be to keep some peace.

You simply dislike this Frenemy, always have, and most likely always will. And it’s because it’s so deep-rooted, as it goes way back to the memories of your early teens or precious young years of growing up.  You can’t let go of that time how they tried to F you over in school, or when they tried to throw you under the bus because of their selfish ways to always want to win, or the time they were so competitive and jealous of you because they couldn’t stand your success in any way, as your happiness ate them alive inside. If they weren’t #1, then everyone else had to eat shit. The Frenemy is the opposite of who you consider yourself as a person today. Opposite of your core values, and perhaps that is the reason they drive you insane and you can’t help but judge them constantly.

But the ‘FRE’ is there for a very sad and frustrating reason. You most likely still have that common Friend, or common social circle and you’ve managed to somehow never leave each other’s lives because of this unfortunate bond you can’t seem to control, change or sadly break off. Therefore the Frenemy is your secret hate on for each other that has never been publicly announced (because yes you are civil and mature) and it has to be that way so it never gets anymore awkward than it already is when you have to socialize with them, when really, all  you just want to do is prance on them like a cat and pull their hair when something really offensive comes out of their mouth!

I find Frenemies fascinating because somehow with all the life experiences being in your thirty’s, acting as a mature adult (in most cases), one can’t seem to let go of the angst you feel towards them. It stays with you, this deep emotional anchor that will never leave you when you interact with them. It just lingers there, like how victims of bullying must feel even when they grow older. It just doesn’t ever really go away.

So back to our men. A few rules for you if you want to save yourself from a future emotionally exhausting argument with your wife or girlfriend that you will never win and can totally be avoided but only if you listen carefully.

Rule 1. Never, and I mean NEVER in front of your girlfriend or your wife pay the Frenemy a compliment. Even if you really mean it. Which is even worse. Inside, your woman’s blood is boiling, her ears start steaming and you won’t know what’s going on until she blows her shit up on you as soon as you get into  private corridors. It’s just not smart dude. The Frenemy NEVER deserves credit! Your woman needs to feel that your alliance to her is exactly that- Loyalty is such an important thing. We don’t want Frenemies to feel good about themselves ever no way! It’s karma for all the credits they tried or still try to steal from you. Even if you don’t know what the F is going on, just trust her and just please go with it. God, it’s not rocket science.

Rule 2.  Don’t you dare get all self-righteous and bust out the 10 commandments and start lecturing your gf/wife of how this ‘hatred has CONSUMED her’ and how ‘Forgiveness‘ is to let go. Omg. If you do this, I must warn you that, at this point, she just might go ape shit on you and you will be responsible of creating some evil wrath you never knew they were capable of. And that will be all you fault.

Rule 3. Can’t you just TRUST your woman’s judgement? I mean if there is any reason why your loving, amazing, positive wife/gf, might just really dislike someone is for um a REALLY GOOD reason. Don’t ever pull the “well she was nice to me and I don’t see what you mean about her” For crap’s sake, you’re really judging their character in all of 2 mere meaningless social encounters? Pulease. I mean the German nazi followers loved Hitler. So that must mean he was alright. geesh.

And so that is it folks. Very simple rules, follow them and you’ll avoid world war III 🙂 My wonderful man learned the hard way. And I guess because he’s so loving and see’s the world in clear, big beautiful eyes, it’s not his fault.

Whatever, it totally is.

Love,

Youngabunga! xo

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Super-wing-woman!

17 Apr
Lois Lane's first appearance as Superwoman. Ar...

Image via Wikipedia

I am pretty hung over right now. Writing and typing every letter on this keyboard is vibrating through my fingertips, straight through my bones, into my poor heavy head that feels like it was tossed around in a dryer left to dry with the rest of the damp socks.

Last night I was minding my merry business, happy to spend a Saturday night in, (quite rare for me lately) and really trying to enjoy doing things that are absolutely no fun, but responsible. Things such as p90x sessions which I’m not keeping up with as much as I would like to , and my stupid taxes that are more complicated than I expected as I’ve now got side business tax things to consider with CCA depreciation crap factors. This was all going to be wrapped up later with a nice chick flick, myself on my couch eating low-calorie snacks. My girlfriend  called and wanted to drag me out to be her date for a couple of social obligations and parties. I would have gone, but the thought of putting on heels, making myself presentable just turned me right off. I would have been bad company indeed.

So, I was super excited! My plan of not-so-fun responsibilities was in gear! I worked on my taxes for a few hours, got frustrated and was satisfied with my progress so dropped that and moved on. I then attempted to do a P90x Kempo cardio session. I was feeling great, losing the guilt as I worked out a sweat. Then  my phone rang and I got the call.

Another friend, a wonderful woman who was having a night out in the city, in fact in my hood at the time, a bit drunk and already ahead, wanting me to come out. She had a mission,  was on the prowl and wanted me around if I was free. *Sigh to myself, as I knew where this was going. My plans and vision for my night in was starting to get more blurry.

My good friend is recently divorced, you know getting out there, putting on her mojo and meeting men and I certainly wanted to be there for her during this important born-again phase of her life. And so I had to leave my p90x session, quickly shower, shut down the accounting on my PC and put on my cape (no not literally silly). Super-Wing-Woman was coming out to help get her friend some prospects and keep her mojo lights on! Duty called.

When I got to the destination, she was really already sloppy, obnoxiously loud, her typical drunk-mode characteristics shining through and I was happy to see her.. well, HAPPY! It was a ritual of celebrations she was experiencing and it was wonderful to see a friend really enjoy herself and be in the moment. The first thing I had to do was catch up. Chris has got me into ‘man-shots’ what he calls, of Jamieson whisky lately. Ugh so gross, but I have to tell you, it does the trick pretty fast. And there I was, ordering a few rounds, which turned into 3 more..

Now I was in the right mind-set. A bit looser and happier and couldn’t give a rats ass about my ego about what my job is tonight. First thing I realized when you are the wing-woman-It’s a serious job with responsibilities. Men do it ALL the time for their friends, but women, I’m going to say, we’re not the most experienced and perhaps not as smooth in this art. (If you are, then amazing for you write a book it would sell I bet)  The traditional ego of man and woman have switched around when you’re the wing-woman. To be able to deliver my services, I need to .. in the spirit of P90x Tom Horton would say.. BRING IT (cheesey I know but so true). This means, I swallow my pride,  get rid of my expectations and prepare for all kinds of shit – like, talking to social losers, annoying men who looked good from a far, but a complete mistake and why I should wear glasses, and most of all rejection. Wait, wait a minute. REJECTION?! Yup. You are simply a proxy for your friend(s) you are the rep. You are the spokesperson. You are the sample of the brand of products being offered to the group of wolves. YOU ARE REPRESENTING and you just might get rejected if they aren’t feeling the sample know what I mean? You’re putting youself out there too and the feelings really suck when you don’t get interest back, even if its nothing to do with you- you instead feel for your friend just the same as their feelings exist. You are protective.

the hunt..

I look around and locate with my eyes, 3 nice looking fellas a pack of wolves. Ok, one is not the most attractive overweight and looks lonely. Second dude is older, much older.. third guy is HOT. The kind of guy my friend would approve of indeed and her type of profile she likes!  Ring a ling a ling and off I go. We make eye contact. But then I do a 180 and talk to Overweight-lonely-boy. Hot-guy is surprised, very surprised. Hot-guy gets irritated a bit and his chest perks up a bit more as I blab away to his friend the Overweight-lonely-boy. Hot guy doesn’t understand and has a wtf moment to himself. My strategy is clearly working. Although, overweight-lonely-boy is lonely for a reason. He is completely awkward and I am already bored with the conversation.

I meet them all, introduce myself and Hot-guy then moves in. And then, as any super-wing woman MUST disclose RIGHT AWAY, is that you are indeed only a proxy for her hot amazing friend, making it clear that she is single indeed and that I am not and getting married!  They are surprised and somehow feel relieved. It’s no longer a competition. I am not the goods. I am in fact one of them, making conversation and just being social.  Overweight-lonely-boy is no longer a threat to Hot-guy, they are happy again and understand why I’m here.

And.. it becomes a party! The pack of wolves and I are now enjoying drinks, no pressure anymore, enjoying good conversation yada yada woo hoo hoo. I then introduce the friend! Then… pack of wolves split and tell me it’s been fun but they have to leave!! I feel.. rejected.

Here is the thing folks, wing-woman or not. When you are the proxy, you are promising good product, you don’t know the reaction once they see it. My friend is beautiful, charming and absolutely wonderful. But I guess she being super drunk, you’re not at your best and so the product I was promising was experiencing a bit of quality control issues at the time. So as a wing-friend I learned not to take it personally, understand what is happening, thank them for the company and then move on. But as Hot-guy leaves.. he whispers in my ear.. ‘your friend is really cute, but is she like that all the time!?.. peace out”. And then they are gone. I look at my friend and think perhaps my job here isn’t so easy when my product I’m offering isn’t its usual ingredients. Whatever she is a happy drunk, deal with it.

NEXT. There is Ian. Shorter, handsome, a sports medicine therapist and he is already cool stuff. I find myself intrigued and bring my friend in right away. I tell her so much about Ian, as if I’ve known him for years! They kind of hit it off and then my queue comes to disappear quietly while they talk.

I now have nothing else to do. I wander around aimlessly, looking pretty silly with drink in hand, no one really to talk to at this point, cause let’s face it talking to any more men I’d have to disclose that really I’m not trying to pick up. Men (typically!)  get so confused right away, immediately they always think first convo’s are more than a social conversation and that every time a woman starts a conversation with them, it’s taken as some sexual possibilities that might happen. Big sigh.. so much for being my social self at a place like this.

It’s 12:30AM and my phone rings. It’s Chris! He was working late and now is finished coming to meet me and I am so happy about it.  He gets there, sees our friend enjoying the new company of men and gives me a thumbs up that I did good.

I am so tired, way over-served from the pressures of trying to be a good wing-woman for my friend, and the night is successful with my mission accomplished coming to an end. I was a good friend tonight and I was proud of myself for it. 

Chris takes me home and we eat deep fried Mac and Cheese sticks picked up on the way and I’m so happily grateful. We decide to watch latest episode of Smallville.

It seemed appropriate.

youngabunga xo

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